35, Still alive.

It's really been quite the ride

Not to sound so defeated,

Sorry Ma, but I tried.

We were placed here to do

Something God can't decide

So like ducks in a pond

We drift tethered to Time.

35, Still alive,

With a thorn in my side.

These decrepit old bones

Struggle catching a stride.

While the taxes of youth

Catch up quicker each time.

All these years chasing dreams

But can't sleep through the night. ..

35, still alive:

Keep it mostly inside,

Honest words are too harsh

So I'll nursery rhyme,

And placate my sadness

For the people in line,

Hold the door for a stranger

But close my mouth when I smile.

35. still alive.

Death's not ours to decide.

I've checked out once or twice,

But I'll be here awhile.

A ripe age once was this,

I should soak up the time.

It's not that I'm ungrateful,

Truth is, I'm just tired.

35 still alive,

Like to call it a wrap...

Don't love much of anything

'cept for my cat.

Think I've held enough heavy today

For a nap

But somehow I still feel

Too guilty for that.

35. Still alive...

Guess it won't be so bad...

Should I find myself ancient

With wits still intact.

But mostly I rise

To this cold sense of dread

Like a blanket that's

Strapping me down to my bed.

35. Still alive.....

Guess I'll put on my pants....

There's an ape on my back

But this monkey can dance!

Though his methods

Are commonly misunderstood,

Every once in a while

He coughs up something good.

35, still alive,

And I'm having a ball,

The people I love

Still don't know me at all.

I've so much to live for

and that much is true,

Another thirty-five years

to feel just like I do.

35, still alive.

I hear it only gets worse.

I don't mean to sound dark,

I was born with this curse.

But it doesn't sound

Nearly as morbid to me,

It just sounds just like a long quiet ride

In a Hearse.

35. Still alive....

It's just hard to have heart.

I know I'm not the only one

falling apart.

I know there's so many ways

It could be worse than this

And somehow that makes it feel worse

Than it is.

35 still alive,

But who carries the weight?

And how come the work

never feels like it pays?

Sometimes I know

I'm the one in the way,

But nobody else

Knows my mountain like me.

35, still alive,

What's the reason for more?

When each days made to hurt us

Much worse than before,

We scrape to carve out

A small place to feel whole,

While we reach for a purpose

We still can't afford.

35 still alive:

Another day above ground.

Another day to pack all this

Old luggage around,

It's funny they say

"That's a lot to unpack"

Turns out some things we say

aren't meant to take back.

35 Still alive,

Another day in the boots.

They've walked me all over this town

I'd assume,

We've wandered our way

through each dark Greasy Spoon

But they're heavier

Every next day around noon.

35. Still alive.

Just day in the life

Held this whole room together

More than just once or twice

Kept a guy off the ledge

And for once, wasn't me!

Now I've seen enough life

For one lifetime, I think.

35. still alive;

Guess you can't save 'em all.

Every now and then Someone's

Gotta take the ol' fall.

And it seems a long way

But it happens so fast....

Turns out some will have love

Or choose nothing at all.

35 Still alive:

We're the ones left behind,

The one's buying your drink

Once you've spent your last dime.

The one's singing your songs

From this world to the next

So you don't feel so alone

As you did when you left.

35. Still alive.

I won't do that to you.

I've had thirty five years

to think all of it through.

And I never found pleasure

In breaking a heart,

So I'll patch mine together

Once more for the troops.

35. Still alive:

Another year in the books

And it's really not always

as bad as it looks.

I'll shake off the damage

as best as I can

And I'll get myself put back

together again.

35 still alive.

Though we've lost some good folks,

I carry them with me

Each place that I go,

In my small sacred objects

And totems alike,

Hope they might help me see

Every time I lose sight.

35 still alive.

Thought that I wouldn't be,

If you knew what I know

Then you'd know what I mean,

But I've earned enough luck

To protect me thus far,

Think I'll waste it on

Drowning my day at the bar.

35. Still alive!

I was meant for big things!

At least, that's what they told

Gifted children like me,

But most days I wake up

Just a regular guy,

Pissed off that I'm not

living up to the hype.

35. Still alive,

I'm the talk of the town,

Either place "best in show"

Or the "worst all-around"

Maybe I ought to think

About hangin' it up

But then how would I live

With whatever was left?

35, Still Alive....

Guess I fucked up last time.

Got ahead for a minute,

Then, fell back behind.

I'd be a stray dog

If a grave were a tail

Now I've run myself 'round

To the end of the trail.

35 still alive.

I should clean up my act.

Thought by now I'd be worth

Some more Money than that.

Dug a pretty good hole

In between every check,

Good thing when I go

There won't be nothin' left.

35, still alive,

But I don't mean to gripe,

I just really thought that

There'd be more to this life,

Than a task to complete,

or a thing you can buy,

or a debt to pay off

by the time that you die.

35 still alive,

Feel like taking a drive.

this place wants to kill me,

can't believe I survived.

Made it thirty-five years

And have nothing to show,

Not sure I can take

Living thirty-five more.

35 still alive.

And I'm lucky I am,

but there's something still

Chafing me now and again,

So I feed my two wolves

While I'm counting my sheep,

In hopes they'll devour

the damn thing that eats me.

35 still alive.

Make it all go away...

Every time that I left though,

I wished that I'd stayed...

I met grandpa death

Once or twice you could say,

Hell, we even shook hands

But it wasn't my day.

35 still alive,

Like a hole in a tooth.

Now I'm out of the red

but I don't leave the blue.

Still limping my way

Towards the top of the heap,

With a lot more to chew on

and less I can eat.

35 still alive.

Thought it might be my year.

There's got to be something else

Keeping me here,

Besides blood in the sink

And the grit on the mirror

Where I watch myself fade

And one day disappear.

35. Still alive

But where'd all of it go?

I have stop-motion mem'rys

Like angels in snow.

You can't turn back a clock

With some words on a page

And a memory just doesn't

Buy much nowadays.

35. Still alive.

Would I do it again?

Truth is, I wouldn't be here

If not for my friends,

And I'd trade the whole world

With a wide ocean view

To go back to the moments.

I met each of you.

35. Still alive.

Though it could be our last

Know that I'd never leave you

Without one parting glass.

And a poem about

hanging on to our peace

In world that's promised us nothing

But grief.

35. still alive.

It's my birthday today....

If only I had

something better to say,

What happens from here,

I'll leave up to the fates:

What the tide wants to bring...

What the tide wants to take.