listless

did i ever have a way with words

or did i just have a lot to say

and didn't want to talk?

the paper was a convenient outlet for me

but was it good?

i gave up on writing

gave up on a lot of things

myself maybe

it's been years now.

i called myself a writer

but i hardly write anymore.

i do journalism but part of me

hates it

i don't think i know why.

i think back to my fourth grade self

starting a school newspaper with my best friend

every poem i wrote

endless short stories i spun out

reading every day.

i would've loved this stuff

what i'm doing now

but i can hardly bring myself to try.

i do wonder what happened

every so often

but now i'm seventeen

i need to pull myself together

i have to go forward.

thinking about the past hurts as much as it did

last year

two years ago

four

i always sat and wished i could go back

now i think about those days of wishing

and those are the ones i want.

because maybe i was miserable then but

was that miserable better than this one?

i don't know

but i sure wish i could start trying again.