Washed with Flames

Sitting by the fireplace, in my new space

Holidays had just ended

Finally headed to sleep

Partner rises, as I drift off

Wondering where my cat is,

Perhaps the closet

I hear something about smoke, but smell nothing

Even when I come out

See water being poured on the chimney

I believe it must be solvable

I then feel the wall behind the chimney

Flames burst through just after my hand retreats

Running back to find my cat

Electric pops turn off lights, searching becomes harder

Blind panic, I return to the room behind the chimney

Flames are everywhere, I go to grab a coat and it is consumed

I am untouched as flames surround me

Fleeing again to find my cat

Yet, knowing I won’t

Finally, partner convinces me outside of the fire

As I stand outside, a bitter January night

Watching in horror, no coat, not feeling anything but pure loss

Shrieking, “No!, watching all

Be devoured…

Two years later as I write this

A pit fills my stomach

I try to remember

Before the fire claimed so much of me

Aging me even more prematurely

I was not living

My cat died, and we did not

In these last few years

A fresh slate has been filled with continuous effort

Intentionally waking with gratitude

Constant effort to be the most authentic and kind person

For self and the world

I throw myself down on my mat

Kundalini yoga works with fire

Cleansing the body and soul with inner flames

Washing away old ways of being

It is the way out of the ashes

Throwing myself into a different fire

Allowing the flames to rise in me

Cleansing my soul, making room

For new possibilities

But some days, I still weep

For the loss of my friend

From the heaviness of being alive

And all it still takes to simply breathe