My Two Unknowns

for a time too long now;

i have awaited death,

like leaves on a tree

awaiting their fall

to the ground

i would shut my eyes

in the night

anticipating it,

taunting it,

fearing it,

regretting ever awaiting it,

knowing the so little

that i have given

for a time too long now;

i have abhorred my mind

like a virus abhorring

the very thing

keeping it alive

while also killing it

battles between us

stretch like rubber

snapping back to hurt,

kill,

and liven

i would shut my eyes

in the night

anticipating it,

taunting it,

fearing it,

regretting ever abhorring it

knowing the so much

that it has given

for a time too long now;

i have struggled with my two unknowns

relentless,

awaiting,

forgiving,

yet so, so very

maddening