Mom Jeans and Cowboy hats? [1 STAR]

I don't know who put him in charge of this story, but whoever it is, they need a demotion ASAP.

What sucker looked at this guy's shining hairless head, heavily worn cowboy hat, and hooked nose, and thought, "Yeah, this one ought'a be a bestseller."

I mean, he wears jeans.

JEANS.

Only psychopaths wear jeans. That's my philosophy. The types that don't care if you shove your buttcrack in their faces or that all they can do is waddle around like they're on their way to the nearest bathroom.

Seriously. Who wear jeans?

But because appearances can be deceiving, let's talk personality. A middle-aged bald man with an enthusiasm for everything hoedown, who's a victim of man-jean-culture can be forgiven if he's an engaging individual who's inner compassionate soul and belly-jiggling humor appeals to the masses.

But no.

This guy's as dry as my mouth when I'm forced to speak publicly. He's as arrogant as an eleven-year old prodigy who's realized they're light-years ahead of their peers, and that even their future selves probably won't have the same mental capacity they do. This guy's as funny as my dad was when he scolded me for stealing his high-end cigarettes.

Like, who hired this guy?

You know what? Fuck it. I'm filing a complaint.