happiness is a state of mind

Oftentimes life gets in the way and we forget what happiness is. We push away the good and embrace the bad. Because sometimes the happy becomes hurt.

Happiness to me is sitting on my eldest brothers lap. His smile has faded from memory now. But I fight to remember the stuff Disney toys he present with pride. That Raggedy Ann Doll he had hand made. That I cradled for years after his untimely death.

Happiness is nighttime at the farm with my grandparent on the front porch and the zap of the bug zapper and how my Grandmother laughed at how guilty I felt for the death of the mosquito. It's walks in the field and playing in the barns. Splashing in the creek.

It's Sundays with the Lady of the Marshe and roasting pigs on a spit and playing tag with children, rolls of hay as our base.

It's the swimming hole at dawn and the waking to the sound of Rock Creek rolling in my ears.

It's my Mama's whistle. So distinct I could find her. Even blinded by the spotlight. And the sound of a Busch Light cracking and my father's arms embracing me.

It's the birth of a sibling and knowing why you've been kept alive. It's meeting your soul. Strung out and in despair and then meeting her again in another life.

It's the laughter of my siblings. The smiles. It's the pride of a mother and tiaras and sequins and stages of life.

Happiness is love and fury and fire. Happiness is passion. It's creek beds and rolling fields. Horses in the pasture and cattle roaming through the pines. It's my grandmother's love and the moments I was enough. It's succeeding when you've been told to quit.

Happiness is going to bed each night next to the woman that I love and dreaming about what could have been and waking up to bliss.

Happiness is a state of mind.