Living

Living is hard to do. We can all agree on that. What do you do when you don't know what you want or know who you are? Do you just choose an identity, because yours was buried so deep below the surface that it might be gone?

These are questions I am always living with and they always send me down rabbit holes. I've thought before that I might be something, but I don't know because everyone always told me who I am. Do I have any say in who I am or have the right to know me? I don't know how to respond to situations normally because everyone always told me what to feel. I 'feel' through what others have told me about feelings. I was told how I was supposed to respond to certain situations and now my brain makes it out to as a box to be checked. 'I did the proper emotion. Are you happy now?'

I rarely get the chance to just exist for a moment to try and listen to myself. Apparently my brain thinks everyone knows me better than I know myself. And people expect me to know how to live by myself and with myself.