In the Beginning...

They say love is the center of the universe, I find that to be a lie. Everyone always considers love to be something that can overcome anything, even death and yet here I am standing in front of a headstone with two broken hearts. One six feet under the ground and the other six feet above. I have only ever wanted to live, truly live. But now I feel there is nothing to live for. What is life if one’s purpose is gone?

Time is something precious, life is something precious, and yet it goes by so quickly, too quickly. She was everything to me, her life was mine, her breath was mine, her heart was mine. We were one, always and forever, at least that was true until we were both robbed. Her life was stolen and as a result so was my world. We are taught to cherish what we have because eventually we will lose it, but no one ever talks about what happens when it’s stolen. It leads to the corruption of the souls left behind. Our conversations continuously echo in my head driving me towards madness, one of the most painful ones appears most frequently.

“I do not know what loss is like.” I once told her.

“Because you never lose, I’m guessing.” She casually replied as she rolled her eyes.

“No.”

“Then what is it?” She asked, her eyes flashing with a new found curiosity.

“Because I’ve never had anything to lose.”

It’s sick how the world works. It took my words and twisted them into a future where I would understand the concept of loss. I told her those words in truth and as her eyes softened I knew she accepted it. It was an understanding no one in my life had ever given me. It was an understanding that led her to love me and it was an understanding that ultimately killed her. If she had never been so close to me she never would’ve been at risk. This is why I shoulder the responsibility of her murder. No one ever talks about the atrocities that follow the injustice of murder, yet alone acts on them but I refuse to live like that. Everything has a price and I won’t let her life be an exception. Her murderer will pay in blood, a life for a life, a death for a death, a murder for a murder.

For her I will do anything, even if it means selling whatever is left of my wretched soul.