Dealt A Bad Hand

I am unwanted on this planet. From birth I was given up for adoption. To parents who abused and destroyed any hope I had for a future. The abuse they put me through only set me up to become what I am now. Crippled by PTSD and OCD. Every step forward is two steps back. Any time I think I can get ahead I'm slapped down and reminded that I'm not supposed to be successful and happy. I'm supposed to be miserable. Always the stepping stone, never the destination. When I gain a foothold I lose it within the next step. There's no way for me to get ahead and after so long trying I don't know why I don't just allow myself to fall off this mountain and die.