Not a Very Lonely Loner

I do not mind being alone. I don't mind taking an afternoon to shop and grab myself lunch. I don't mind an evening alone to pamper myself with a manicure and a face mask. I enjoy these moments to myself, they remind me who I am.

This though, is different from being lonely. Whether I'm sitting in my car, or at a party full of people, sometimes I get lonely. It is not the lack of human presence, it is the lack of true human connection. It is the ache inside when you haven't seen your mother in a while. The burn in your heart when you miss your best friend. I've been there, it's the moment when you need someone to call, but you don't know anyone who would pick up. It is an equal numbing and panic in your gut. A desire to curl in a ball and not return, or scream until your voice goes hoarse.

I believe we were made to make strong human connections. It is the fuel that pushes us through each day. When your lover looks into your eyes and says, "You're the reason I get up in the morning." I'm there, in my bed each day, thinking of him. So, in those moments when our connections seem to falter or fade, we start to slip away, loneliness creeps in and makes us wonder what we're still doing here. Making us question if it's all still worth it.