20

...it does not rush in in a throe, this pain, it is past pangs or cramps, beyond scorching lashes and smarting throbs, it kills with its even stability, kills yet let me not die, keeps in steely bounds of torture device filled with the victim smashed and squeezed into the mold of no escape, mauled in to fill the tiniest corner, it does know its trade, the pain…

...yet even the most excruciating torments grow blunter little by little, we fall out, asunder, me and the pain, we’re not any more one whole spliced inextricably into one knot, and although it is still here, inside, by, around, still wrenching and keeping me in agony, yet it’s not a part of me, no, not any more...

...the thinnest, like a shroud rotten to dust, a flimsy almost non-existent membrane of numbness swaddles me, the brittle shell of nothing, disbands from the pain, gives me some sparsest layer of alienation… there appear some smithereens of space to feel myself a-hovering over the ever-present pain… allow for an infinitesimal room that let me grow into I… who am I?

I am what I am what I am… I am what I feel still beside but aleady besides the pain, this here pain… do I feel? what I feel?..

...it’s darkness pitch-black impervious, sticky darkness clinging from all the sides, I sense how thickly dense it is… I feel the black viscous darkness… water sound comes leaking thru, hollow lapping, soft gurgling of water midst this dark blackness...

...and I know that I have to do it, yes it’s a painful move, very much so, but I have to dare a try at one desperate heedless thrust thru the pain whose part I am not any more… I know it would stab, it would tear up… but I have to know if what I sense besides thick darkness is there, that hardly perceptible something… now! you can… now! DOO IT!… aoueeeeoooooooooo !

....thru the maddening pain and tears from under the eyelids pulled up in the supernatural straining… inundating tide of light flows in, flooding my open eyes… and I see that it’s good, so beautiful is the face of Moon craning over me, so close, full, high-cheeked, in her glorious beauty before my eyes open wide thru the throe...

...thus I saw how good it was, the mellow light streaming down from Her, sad and placid, and omniscient, who had come reaching for me immured in pain agony… who was bending over, spraying the glitter of weightless light… face to face...

That’s how I got created anew by Moon’s dribbling the light off Her face onto me stranded in ebb of endless distress wherein She discovered me maimed, mutilated shrieking for all to hear that I was a crushed warm, a slave of Pain Unendurable… yet the animal wail got transformed into a grateful moan towards Moon the Light-Giver…

And good it was…