I Give You Back

I release you, my loved and hated

doubt. I release you. You were the one

I clung to and recoiled from, but now, I see

your true self. I release you with all the

uncertainty I have known since you melded to

my heart.

You are not my beating heart anymore.

I send you back to your dark shadows

that haunt my thoughts, cause my nightmares,

make me lose my light and beauty.

I force you back to your brothers and sisters

who cheer on your deception.

I renounce you, doubt, because you nurture

my demons and force me to embrace you

and the hope you inspire.

I flee you, doubt, so you can no longer

hold me to your icy chest, my knowledge

of the future swathed in winter's deception.

I release you

I flee you

I betray you

I don't doubt that you love me.

I don't doubt that I can't reciprocate.

I  don't doubt that you want to protect me.

I don't doubt that I want to be vulnerable.

I don't doubt that you'll always be loyal.

I don't doubt that I fear your devotion.

I don't doubt that you need me to live.

I don't doubt that I need you, too, I need you, I need you, doubt.

Oh, you have strangled me, but I put your hands on my neck.

You have drained me, but I put your lips on my mouth.

You have consumed me, but I laid myself before you.

I take myself back, doubt.

You are not my lover any longer.

I won't hold your hand.

You can't corrupt my eyes, my ears, my voice,

my mind, or my heart my heart

But come here, doubt

I have found clarity and you don't believe you ever will

Inspired by Joy Harjo's "I Give You Back"