June 10th is the two-year anniversary of my dad’s death. He battled pancreatic cancer for 10 months before he died. I quit my job to act as his hospice nurse during his last weeks. It was an honor to take care of him, and this challenge came at the perfect time. My dad’s pre-death flashback is a memory I’ll always treasure, and it’s nice to write about it this week.

Road Trippin’

Lydia was the professional hospice nurse who helped me take care of my dad during his last few weeks. She was an amazing, kind soul, and she prepared me for my dad’s death with sincerity and honesty.

She told me, “When the human body is dying and your dad’s organs are failing, strange and scary things might happen. His body is poisoning itself, but his mind will protect him.”

Lydia explained how our mind and our brains are still medical mysteries. There’s so much we don’t understand, but we know our brain protects us from pain. It puts our body into shock so we don’t feel physical pain. It blocks and distorts painful emotional memories, and there’s countless testimonies of people flashing back to their most peaceful and happy moments right before they die.

My dad lost his ability to speak a couple days before he passed away. His hospice bed was in the living room, and my mom and I were mindlessly watching TV in silence with him. Dad couldn’t control his body anymore so his head, arms, hands, and legs jerked around seemingly aimlessly. I’m not sure what caught my attention, but I keyed into the rhythm of his body’s movements and noticed a pattern.

Left foot pressed down.

Right hand made a fist at his hip, and moved left to right.

Right foot pressed down.

Left hand made a circular motion.

Right hand grabbed something and came up to his face.

Left hand made a peace sign and came to his lips.

Repeat.

Over and over.

He was smiling. His lips were mouthing something.

I laughed out loud when I realized what was happening.

“Holy shit, MOM! Dad is drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette in the car right now.”

My mom said, “You can’t let him smoke, Bridgette.”

“No Mom! LOOK! He’s shifting gears, rolling down the window, drinking a beer, and smoking a cigarette. I think he’s singing too.”

And he was.

My dad was flashing back to his happiest moments. He was driving his family to the beach, visiting his construction worksites, singing in his truck, enjoying the sunshine, and blasting the oldies with the windows down.

I got to see my dad smile and sing one last time. He was enjoying a cold beer and a smoke. He was happy, doing something he loved. I’ll never forget that moment. I’m happy to share it with all of you today. Thank you for the prompt :)