The Hell Inside Me

They talk about hell

As if it’s a fictitious place

For me its a frame of mind

When my mind has too much space

Perhaps it is

Just a place in my head

For that I can’t escape

It’s exponential dread

I am the victim and the villain

This is my hell

The back and forth war

I have with myself

It is not a game

In which I can win

You cannot fight your way out

Of a debilitating tailspin

I can come here and visit

Any time that I want

Sometimes the comfort of the familiar

Is all I got

Often, my mind

Forces me to go

But you can't hide from yourself

You can’t put on your own show

I find myself here

And I take a look around

Waiting for the other part of me

To wake up and be found

Mostly I get stuck here

Fully aware

I am fighting with myself

What a glorious pair

Me, Myself and I

Maybe it’s three

The victim and the villain

And the part that’s actually me

Thoughts encircling

Perseverating at best

Negativity worsening

Leaving whatever’s left

Fire and ice

Don’t play with fire

I exhaust myself

Trying to constantly rewire

Hell is not a place for the dead

It is for the living

It's where your spirit dies

It is the ultimate unforgiving

Most paint a picture

So let me paint you mine

The fires burning here

Are the thoughts in my mind

The demons most speak of

The torturers that come

I am that to myself

My inner critic’s voice an all too familiar hum

When you speak of your hell

How often do you go?

Is it a war within you?

Always fighting to run the show?

This is my hell

Because there is no escaping

There is me, and my devil

And she is always waiting