Happy.....

All my life I have been happy. I love people. I love to laugh and talk. I love new challenges. I have a roof over my head. I am thankful for the job that I have. I have no grudges or drama. I feel for others and genuinely want good for all.

When I pass coworkers in the hallways they always stop, and we laugh. I have wonderful friends and family. People tell me that I put them in a good mood because I'm always smiling. Smiling doesn't equal happy. They would genuinely be surprised to find out that I am really not all that happy. Life happened and there were struggles with a spouse with three long term diseases to which the stress led me to "that damn" autoimmune disease.

Thing is...I'm not depressed, but I'm just not as happy as I seem. There has been a shift within me...and it has left me feeling different...It feels a lot like the mask from the pandemic - there is a veil that I am hiding behind right now...well that I have been behind for a while.

I miss me....the unedited genuine me being simply just happy.