i'm scared to forget these things

the pains that migrate from brain to body

and always back for the winter

i'm scared if i don't remember

that i will forget to be cautious

i'm careful with everything i do

i handle life delicately and kindly

i'm not sure if it's nature or nurture

and i don't know if it's good or bad

i think i want it to be bad

so that i have an excuse to hurt something

to be reckless with something

and save some care for myself

to scream that i'm fragile and hear nothing back

none of this will be good enough

my own standards are too high

and i know somewhere deep that it's a mix

it is my best nurturing from my mother

and my worst nature from god

to sit on the forest floor for a while

and allow the progress to stop

bridge after bridge is ahead of me

and a thousand fires for me to bleed on

let me sit in the moss for a day

and suck the venom out of my leg