Wherefore art thou Britbox?

I am single, and my friend talked me into a speed dating meetup where you get five minutes to dig into the wit and witticism of complete strangers and then pick your date at the end. I thought it was a stupid idea but the idea began to grow on me as I contemplated what to watch on Britbox as my weekend entertainment.

“I am root”, he said.

“It is really, ‘I am Groot’”, I said correcting him. His name was Arthur Cake. My mind already labeled him a fruit cake.

The next one had a hardy physic, and I could see a flowering romance develop until he spoke.

“I have frozen my seed and I am looking for some good eggs, if ya know what I mean!” He winked at me. I grabbed my water and started drinking quickly to prevent me from laughing hysterically.

The next one had a deck of cards and asked me to choose any card. “If it is a heart, then I choose you. If it is a spade, then we can stop right here”.

“What happens if it is a diamond or a club?”, I asked.

“Then we go dancing at the country bar across the street. They are having their Friday night hoe-down.”

A vision of a hoe embedded in his head was my only thought of a good “hoe-down”.

My friend then asked me at the end of the night if anyone wanted to go out with me. I told her that there were some offers, but till then, it would be too soon. She said that she didn’t understand. I just said that I was buying a lifetime subscription to Britbox.