Sisi

Sisi was a wiener-chihuahua mix. She was mild mannered, quiet, and loyal unlike any other. She was a poop shade of brown, but the cleanest dog I ever had. The only dog I ever really had, though we had many dogs in our home over the years. She's the only one I will ever truly call mine, aside from Charlotte, whose life was too short to form a real bond.

There's not much to say about Sisi. She followed me around, comforted me when I was sad, and I can't stand the fact that my teenage hormones made me miss her final days.

She was always pregnant. The first time she had puppies, my parents gave them away way too early. When the last one was gone, she hopped on my bed and we cried ourselves to sleep together. I held her all night and told her how sorry I was. I always wonder if she understood. I think she did because she avoided everyone else in the house after that day except me. Like I was the only one she trusted.

She got pregnant a few more times after that and the last time, I was off with my boyfriend when she was giving birth. She had complications and my parents decided to put her down. I only found out after it happened. I was mortified. I'm still mortified. I would've given anything to save her and now all I can think is that I wasn't there when she needed me most. I wasn't there to save her. All because I wanted to spend time with a boy who ended up traumatizing me and ruining my life and it all started with her demise.

I should've known then that he was a bad idea, but I wasn't mature enough to be this cynical.

Anyway, I've refused to own another dog since. I will never forget her. I will never get over the day she lost her puppies or the day I lost her. I will never feel love for a pup that way again and I will never forgive myself for abandoning her.