wedding planning

the hole in my heart

took over my lungs last night

this morning it took my legs

and my arms and i only found comfort

on your side of the bed.

last night i would have told you

your side of the bed

is what fed the hole in my chest.

the emptiness feeds off more emptiness.

i swear by the end of this

its going to swallow me whole.

you cannot marry me

you cannot marry me.

you are there

and i'm here

farther away than the maps will weap.

you'll say you didn't mean it

you'll say that you did

you cannot marry me.

you cannot marry me.

the hole in my heart

took over my voice

and it took over my eyes

so i could not see

i could not cry

i could not scream.

the hole in my heart

is all too familiar,

we tend to meet on the bathroom floor

with straw and plate i stole from goodwill.

here i am again

on the bathroom floor

but my god i am trying not to drop to my knees.

our child is in the bath

and he is laughing and he's splashing

but i will be damned

if he ever gets wet from my storm.

the hole in my heart

will never touch his clean hands.

you cannot marry me

and i cannot go where you will go next

did you outgrow me?

did i dig the hole first?

is your whole entire world closing in on you too?