Daily Routine

A shot glass full of tears

followed by lemon juice and a pinch of salt

This is how I start my mornings

Accompanied by Elliot Smith's "Between The Bars"

His words climb into the empty seats next to me

Filling the cup I drink with songs of addiction and pain

I remember

The curve of her lips

The satin smooth skin

And the dangerous blade of her piercing brown eyes

Eyes that turned men into statues

I see tragedy clinging to the black curtains that surround the two windows to my soul

Knowing that everytime I open my eyes

I risk seeing a beautiful monster capable of hurting me more than intended

I sit here

Spending precious minutes devising a Trojan horse

I sit here

Spending hours trying to convince my shadow that I'm worth following

A book of blank pages and a pen full of sorrows

This is how I continue my afternoons

Handshakes and hellos from friendly faces

And conversations filled with repetitive topics

I remember

The words that left her dictionary mouth

The movements of her conductive hands

And the orchestral emotions

behind the words and movements

I see the shows she puts on

For the crowds that flutter to see her spectacle

An encore of emotions playing back in my head

Like reverbs of sounds that bounce off the walls of my acoustic heart

I sit here

Strumming the strings of my being to see if I'm able to create a song of longing

I sit here

Strumming rhythms of hope to fuel the lapsing beat of my heart

I serve ovenbaked memories to feed my saddened stomach

Followed by a dish of melancholy

This is how I end my evenings

Dim lights and candles to illuminate the day

Bed sheets and comforters to shield my body from anymore harm

I remember

The bundles of hair

The little breaths she took

And the "goodnight love" before I fell into eternity

I lay here

Counting the broken pieces I am now left with

I lay here

Contemplating how good I once had it

Goodnight