i miss it

i miss the sadness i felt when i first got ill

sadness that was still surface level

it was loud and obvious

it was radiating from me

the sadness i feel now is different

this sadness is deep

it’s made it’s way into my core

it’s infiltrated my soul

it’s changed my structure

this sadness is subtle

it’s a constant ache

it bleeds into every experience, every moment

it’s silently killing me

this sadness isn’t just sadness

it’s hopelessness

it’s anger

it’s guilt

it’s anxiety

it’s

an empty feeling

i feel everything

and nothing

i am a shell of a person

i look the same

but i’m not

this sadness has ruined me

i miss who i was

i miss the person i was when i first got ill