it's very hard to not feel sad

it's the medication

and the healthy patterns

that make me say

"but i'm doing well

but at least it's bearable"

the downward swing hurts

knowing there will be another one

the upward swing instills me with hope

there will be another one

nothing is permanent

this too will pass

and it will come back

grief at my door like an old friend

she pins me down

makes me stay with her

because if she's alone

what happens will be my fault

i don't know how to get rid of her

she's always been there

and maybe i love her

it's hard not to feel sad