Holding Back For Who?

Thirty drunken minutes later

The wave of emotions I was

hiding emerged

Why does my mind betray me?

Everything I do should make me

happy and in place of that is

irritation

confusion

and completely forced

aloneness.

I don't feel alone because nobody

cares

I feel alone because I don't want

anyone to touch me

hearing people speak makes me

cringe

the fact the I cannot not fake a

smile makes me hate myself.

I don't want to pretend anymore

I don't want to hide from others

But maybe 

I still want to hide from myself.