Things to Say to my Ex

I was so far out of your league.

I don't care if I sound vain -

You should've treated me like a princess

Instead of making me think I was insane.

I've seen the women you've been with since,

I've seen the women you were with before.

I'm looking pristine, like a flawless diamond

Compared to the white trash and whores.

It's not like your a catch or a prize yourself-

Yellow teeth, you're fat and going bald.

You're not that smart and you're not funny,

Your face looks like it got mauled.

Remember when I got a promotion at work?

You made me feel guilty and sad.

Your Chauvinistic ideas belong in the past.

An opinionated woman is NOT bad!

You're lousy in bed, you're a 2 pump chump.

It's called a clit, do you need a map?

A girl that always finishes herself alone

Will soon find herself a new chap!

My new guy is 25 and he's hot.

Is that why seeing him makes you sick?

Would it help to know his sex game is raw?And oh yeah....he's got a bigger dick.

He's creative and kinky and down for it all

Never shames me or intentionally hurts.

He smacks my ass and talks dirty in my ear

Swear to God, he even makes me squirt.

I had no idea my body could do that.

Mr Missionary, Mr 2 Minute Prude

We have clamps and toys you wouldn't believe

His youth and exuberance is always in the mood.

But enough of that, I've gone off track

It's not nice for me to be so petty.

It's just that I hate your stinking guts

Can you just kill yourself already?

Because we're back to court again shortly

Why do you keep fighting this divorce?

Hand over my son, you pathetic shit.

I'm done talking, I'm ready to use force.

18 months is far too long,

Just because you enjoy drama.

Quit treating court like we're having a date

Go cry about me to your mama.

I could blow your brains out, or run you down

And a jury would acquit, let me go

If I don't become a divorcee soon

Then I'm just going to become a widow.