Just, sth

I want to believe, that I could keep firm in my stand while loving you. I want to convince myself of this lie, that I could love you while you stab me in the back. For I need you to love me, I need to know that in stead of crying alone in bed tonight, I could revel within those sheets with you trying to forget, I could pretend to listen to the beat of your heart as I watched out for mine. I need to know that I am strong, strong enough to love you while hating you the most. I need to know just how much I'd go against myself, for a few moments with you.