Phone Voice

“Stop using your phone voice,” he says.

“What does that mean?”

“It means stop being so stoic.

Stop acting so serene.”

“Well, if I responded any other way,” I say,

“you’d probably lose your shit.”

“You’re one to talk,” he says.

“You fucking hypocrite.”

“I don’t think that’s accurate," I say.

“You don’t see me freaking out.”

“Stop with the fucking phone voice, he says.

“If you don’t, you can get the fuck out!”

“That’s unfortunate to hear,” I say.

“But I guess it’s for the best.

I tried to approach this calmly,

but you just seem really stressed.”

“GET. THE. FUCK. OUT!”

You don’t have to ask me twice.

I never thought my phone voice

was just simply being nice.