War

"You will always be top priority

I will always love you

You were the best thing to ever happen to me "

Then why am I holding my heart in my hands?

Why is it dying?

I'm choking on my thoughts

I'm drowning in my oxygen

I'm coughing on blood

And in this moment I wish I didn't have a soul

I wish I didn't have a direct connection to you anymore

WHY AM I ALWAYS WAITING WHY CANT I JUST MOVE ON WHY CANT I JUST MAKE IT

stop

I wish I never met you but you know I don't mean that

I wish I never introduced you to her but you know I only slightly mean that

I wish I never slept with you and for once I'm not sure how I mean that

I just wanted forever with the person who wanted me forever

The person my soul is tied to, my soulmate, my everything, my other half, the person who makes me stronger, my love, my honey, my sweet prince, my rock, my world, my universe, the sun to my moon, the sunrise to my sunset, everything we did was beautiful

And now the colors are gone

And it's dark in my room and it's 3 am and my eyes are puffy and grief and anger and sadness have come to visit me and suddenly the sobriety streak means nothing and a knife is sitting across from me on the cold hard floor

And I wanna stop but for once everything is quiet

My mind has always been a warzone that no one was able to tame and you were able to figure it all out, you ceased the fighting and I felt peace for once

But now your gone and there I am being torn apart by myself

And there's a reason people go insane I feel it now just inching towards me, just in a cocky way cause no one can escape their own mind right?

It's so taunting, so right there, an in your face kind of thing

Almost like you but not because it's what I can't have with you anymore that drives me insane

You're my kryptonite, you always have been, you always will, and against everything I will still be sitting here for whenever you need me.

For whatever.

For all eternity.