Philautia

I could never accept it

But I knew that it was there, somewhere

Locked in a safe, trapped in a maze of

Denial and self-deprecation

It's shriveled up and neglected after years

And years of shoving it aside.

I used to feel it when I was younger,

Embrace it even,

When I was a different person.

I used to think that I wasn't any better than anyone,

That I wasn't special enough to have it.

Yet, as I grow, I am learning.

Slowly accepting myself for who I am,

And who I should have always been.

I know it will take time, maybe my whole life

Before I can truly believe.

But maybe someday

I can accept the love that I should've given myself

When I refused to give.