De-servant

Don't you know

it doesn't always come out clean?

When I feel low

sometimes I accidentally scream.

I'm owed some time to ride the wave

and for you to understand

that today I didn't feel like rhyming.

I didn't feel like having feeling

in my fingers and toes or the tingle in my face

when the anger starts to bubble and puts you in your place,

but it's not what I mean to say

and you should know that

because you know it's not

the no mess "I feel" statement coming out of my mouth.

It's the tangled convoluted shout I wailed aloud

across the room, but I think

I deserve a mistake without

upsetting someone I never meant to hurt.

I deserve sympathy without

judgment for my selfish thoughts

when I tell you what I won't tell reality.

I know my words have no validity

I still wonder if my feelings do

I still wonder about the difference between deserving and desire

I still wonder about you

Do I want what I deserve or deserve what I want?