Love through Moonbeams

I see their unblemished faces

In the moments before I fall asleep.

Younger than they are now.

Cheeks chubby and grubby,

Sun kissed freckles and blue eyes.

Tousled blonde hair still damp from the bath.

I remember how angelic they looked

The peaceful slumber of the young.

Only another mother understands

The untarnished joy, complete enthrallment

of watching her sleeping children.

I miss them both so much.

In the moments before I fall asleep.

When it's quiet and nothing moves.

No TV's blaring, no quarreling brothers,

No feet thundering down the stairs

Demanding a drink.

No tears or tantrums at bedtime.

No monsters to vanquish from under the bed.

No stories to read, no songs to sing.

Bittersweet memories blanket me

In the moments before I fall asleep

Wondering how they sleep now

Wondering what their bedrooms look like

If they wake up on time for school.

Does my little still hide cookies under his bed?

Does my older one still sleepwalk?

Does anyone ever watch them sleep like I did?

In the moments before I fall asleep,

When the day's distractions have gone quiet

I can't push them away any longer.

Sometimes I cry and scream at the unfairness

Sometimes I just cry despondently

Sometimes I plot my most evil revenge

Sometimes I stare at nothing

Dry eyed and dejected.

In the moments before I fall asleep

I remember when I used to be a mom.

I send my love on moonbeams

I listen to silent stars for a response

And I wait eons for hours to pass

For morning light to return my peace.