Displacement.

Four months ago,

my spine shivered.

It was cold.

Barely 2.5cm of snow, but 47 degrees

on a "sunny" day.

I felt the cold,

when the sun was at its zenith.

Today it is warm.

Spf gleaming like sunrise.

Dripping sweat -

perspiring in my black t-shirt.

7:00pm felt like noon.

The ritual doesn't end.

The sun encompassing

every kid zooming

on electric bikes,

every couple

on a picnic,

every car booming

with rock music at a traffic stop

with their anticipation-

every tree, flower, sidewalk,

every destination.

The sun was everywhere

Mocking me.

Shining a light that never belonged to me.

Sucking all the joy out of me

like my sweaty black t- shirt.

I am dehydrated.

Long hours of heat

a summer solstice

suffocating me on my walk home.

Theres a shadow looming over me in the summer.

I only feel winter.

envious of the sun...

envious of a life that's not mine

of a love that's not mine.

He's there in my mind

Blinding me .

I dont feel happiness

or joy

or anticipation ...

I feel 80 degrees in June.