Pattern without rhyme: A not-so-free verse

I can feel myself

Slowly slipping away from me

Forgetting the things that I used to love

The reasons to live

The reasons to die

So I'm stuck mere existence

Just floating around like—not a ghost—

Nothing I can think of that is neither here nor there

Except me

I do the same things over and over

Day after day

Watching the clock

Knowing the feeling of two hours

Exactly how long a minute actually is

Because I watch the time so much now

Do you know the feeling? Of time passing? I feel it

It breathes down my neck

A tick

....tick

With no boom

It's like I feel my soul flickering

Like a candle in the wind

My will fading

Like paint on aged wall

Blotched ink on faded paper

I don't wake up with excitement

I don't look forward to the day any longer

I teach the kids, exercise, drink a lot of water

I do only things that are good for me now

Do you know the feeling? When the thrill of doing something you shouldn't do leaves you? I know it

It's what makes life worth living you know

Doing things you shouldn't do

Enjoying the thrill of defying something, someone, yourself, society

No matter how little you do defy

And when that's gone, what is left?

I can feel the hollowness in my being

A silence where my curiosity used to be

I do things

But I put them off for much longer

There's a pattern

But there's no rhyme

I'm starting to feel like the poems I write

Do you know the feeling?