i panic and it keeps me up at night

i cannot believe that it is true. 

yet again, i am leaving again. 

isolation, self-deprecation. 

why is it so hard to let go of the idea

that i deserve to be alone? 

why do i prefer the solitude of my room

over the love and comfort of another's arms?

it is hard to love another's heart

when all i want so badly in life

is for my own heart to stop beating.