To My Love: Made of flesh and blood not fiberglass

I still love you

That’s why it hurts

That’s why it feels like turning my skin inside out and running rusty metal sheets against my subcutis

And I would

For you I would a million times

And I have

I have wrapped my self preservation in delicate silks, tied in up in the finest ribbon, and threw it into the first dumpster I could find

So that I could be loved by you

And I am

I am loved for how I bend

Gluing my body into impossible poses

With the unknowing authenticity of a child

And the strategic planning of a general preparing for battle

So that I can make you feel safe and whole

So that you can touch my supple form and feel like you belong

So that can you yell and scream about those who have wronged you

And so that you can make violent threats to others (clarifying you would never do such things to me)

So that I can be different

So that I can be unique

So that I can be your saving grace

But my tears have turned to blood

And my breath hitches at your sight

Because you never feel better

Only less secure that I will be there

Tied down and tied up in whatever shape you want me

You love me I know

But how much me is left

What is me if you ever only speak of me in connection to you

Who am I to you when i’m not in the room

I know who you are

You are funny, outgoing, and kind

You are hurt, and bitter, numb

Your body is my safety

Your mind is my jailer

I want to stay to prove your thoughts wrong

No matter how you push I will stay

But I can not stitch your skin back together as you wince and whine any better than I can my own

I cannot use my flesh to patch yours

I cannot be your only lifeline as you dangle from the tallest building in the world

I cannot stay as long as a planned

But I have not stopped loving you

I’m not sure I could