raining on the freeway

these are the things I no longer wish to remember

screeching down the highway

your knuckles white

stark contrast against the steering wheel

I don't remember who was crying harder

but it doesn't really matter

swerving

I couldn't see through the salt but I could feel my stomach crash against my ribs along with my heart

anger and guilt and sorrow

I couldn't breathe

I couldn't speak

I couldn't scream like I wanted to

I couldn't tell you that this is not how you should treat your daughter

was it raining?

I don't remember

but it doesn't really matter

because my face was slick with enough tears to drown us both

and at that moment we were the only ones

your words pounding against my skull

it's all in my head you try to tell me

but I ask you how is this pain supposed to cure me of my self resentment

even now

you smile and say you love me

but all I can hear

is your choked accusations

bouncing off the walls of your truck as we rolled down the highway

all I can feel when you hug me is the emptiness of every time you were never there