Sight

Do you really know me like you say you do?

I don't like existing in memories of others when I cannot remember my own.

You can't possibly remember me.

It makes me so angry when you tell me that,

angry that I can't verify it,

angry that those ideas of me still linger,

angry that my past exists at all.

I want to purge this dissociative self

I used to be from all consciousness,

and it isn't fair that you can still remember her.

I am so mad that you can compare me now to me before

and that you can clearly recollect all the signs.

I am so envious that I couldn't have seen the signs myself when it was happening and that I still can't now.

I envy the way you can tip your sight backward to how I was before and that you can see the progress.

I want to see it too.

I am so angry

and this feeling burns my throat

when you remind me of what you know.

#rambles #venting #dissociation #memories