Defeat was my greatest defense

I remember the things that my father taught me,

and all the things that I learned from him.

I never thought I wanted to be like he was.

I always wanted to be someone else.

I wanted all his wisdom, but I had no patience.

I wanted all his ethics, but I had no morals.

I wanted all his talent, but I had no knowledge.

He helped so many and was a man of his word.

He tried to teach me, the value of hard work and honesty.

I fell into sloth, deceit, and darkness.

I looked at myself with contempt, a parasite, a pariah.

I had become the monster of nightmares and pain

…. I was walking death.

I had done things, that should have had me locked up in chains,

awakened a demon that knows no peace, that lies dormant like a festering sickness.

I was beaten, defeated, I knew only darkness, a shadow walking through the trees.

Through time I found a greater wisdom, A paradox.

I was no longer my own God, demon, Judas, defeat was my greatest defense.

The mercy of surrender gave me hope.

No longer akin to darkness and shadow, I could be everything that he once was.

I looked in the mirror, and the monster was gone.