If I could stop time

It is something that has crossed my mind on multiple occasions. What if time could just stop? And then, it'd be just me and my thoughts. Of course, at first I thought I'd be productive, I'd finally feel like I had enough time to do what I was supposed to and maybe anxiety wouldn't take over me so easily. But then I think about the days when I had all the time in the world, not a single responsibility in my hands and all I could do was... sit there, motionless, scrolling down my phone. If I had such a powerful ability, would I use it to fulfill my addiction? Would my depression take over instead? Would I feel, after all, so completely powerless?

So, now, when I think about it, I try to be realistic. What would I really do? On most days, I think, I'd just sit there and do nothing. In others, I'd cry my heart out, letting go everything I have ever held back. Perhaps there'd be days on which I'd find the will to read a college paper and be very pleased with myself. Or write as much as I could. But those would be scarce, like water in the desert.

But what is the point about being realistic about something so hypothetical? I can't fool myself, but I can dream. In an ideal world, where time could stop just for me, I wish I'd make good use of it. Maybe I'd be able to go outside. Maybe I'd spend more time on the beach, watching the sea. Maybe I'd think more about the good things in my life than the bad ones. Maybe I'd read a good book in one go, with no worries in the world. Maybe I'd listen to music and dance and feel free. Maybe I'd do all these things that, in this world, far from ideal, I can't make myself do.

And then, I'd live a motion-full life in a motionless time.