history

i knew a girl

worshiped her, in truth

and let myself be consumed in her divinity.

i killed myself

one august night,

the air was sticky on my bare skin.

i saved myself that night too

flesh and blood and religious ecstasy.

i can’t understand it

i don’t try.

there’s a girl i know.

she’s exhausted and i fucking tried

it’s not my fault it’s not my fault it’s not my fault

i knew myself

at one point

and i never knew her.