The courage to embrace

“That’s not what I mean… but it’s just - it just is.” Hand in other hand, I play with my own fingers in growing anxiety. It’s just… it’s difficult, you know?

“Hm… what just is?” The blank turmoil in my mind comes to a slow stop as his eyes look up at mine. They’re all that I can see.

“Umm… mmm…” Scratching at my head has never been a habit of mine… it seems like one today.

“Look at me.” In a loss of certainty, I’m thankful for a sense of direction. The ground shakes amidst my faltering focus.

His gaze never wavers, and I’m not sure if he expects something from me.

But I don’t say anything.

We just look into each other’s eyes.

Not searching for anything in particular…

But hoping to hold one another in any way that we can.

After a while, he speaks.

“I don’t mind crouching down on these steps. I don’t mind being out here with you late at night. I don’t mind spending this moment the way that I am right now. With you.”

If there were words I could’ve found before, they were gone now. All I can do is stare.

“I don’t know what you’ve been through… I don’t know how you’ve lived your life so far. But… I hope that you can trust me. It’s not the most difficult concept, but it’s definitely not an easy thing - right? Mm… I’m not perfect. But… I have confidence in being honest with you. I’m not too prideful or stubborn, but I stand by my beliefs. I’m not easily shaken, and I see the beauty of life for what it is.

“I want to love you. I already like you. I want to show you the beauty that I see… and I want to know you better. I want to be a shoulder you can lean on. But only… if you’d let me.”

I’ve never known how to see a person for who they could be. I’ve always seen them for who they are.

This person in front of me… who looks up into my eyes as I sit on the step above his.

I don’t know who he is.

And I don’t know if I can trust him.

But…

I can’t help but feel drawn.

To his warmth. His kindness. His genuity.

His love.

I guess it’s moments like these where those sayings around meeting a good person when you don’t expect to…. happen.

To be sure, I hold his gaze the way he does mine.

It’s happened.

And I feel the courage…

To embrace it.