[ something like the word for invisible burnout, you don’t remember what it is and funnily enough, no one remembers you either ]

keep your passions out of sight

out of mind

otherwise you exist and you’re begging for friends and begging and friends feel pathetic—you’re pathetic—you ooze of something resembling toxicity when your shaky hands send your sugary messages and say an insufferable hi; and whenever there’s an extra stressed diacritic or a misspelled goodbye in between the crooked lines, suddenly silence is falling fast and the loathing is indistinct from the love and you’re a bloodless strawman tattered with pleasantry pins and niggling needles, digging into entangled veins as it scrutinises

what have you done wrong again?

a psychological tarantella in the stumbling beat of one-two trying to keep your pulse awake, a metronome of apologies

so-rry, so-rry, so-rry

so-rry i-sur-vived but that’s breaking the time signature too much

so apologise for that all over again

in a room full of starving venus flytraps, better to be an innocent fly on the wall, better to innocently drown in ointment than to suffer through the blackout pain of wandering—wondering—whimsical flagellation

turned to a starving artist’s magnum opus

turned to crude art and wasted words and dissonant notes and vague madness and messiness and inside jokes and all the things that make you you

all of the things that make you wish you weren’t you

a lack of understanding leading to unmending

better to keep yourself out of sight

out of mind

than to exist and have your devout passions scourged at the pillar of better judgment

keep creating. the universe will not hold its breath for you. stop creating. the universe you control will start to suffocate.

keep existing. stop existing. what’s the difference except finding out

there’s nothing—no one—nothingness—

left to exist for?

and maybe that should be enough.

because one of these days, the world will get pulled from under your feet and you’ll fly, oh you’ll soar and it’s going to be beautiful and no one will be there to watch your plight

and no one will be there to see you c r a s h