Auspicious

My boyfriend asked me last night: if you could go back and do college again, would your major be the same?

I realized that he thought I had gone to college for a major. I majored in English because it was the only subject freshman year I couldn't seem to fail. It meant nothing to me.

On the day I turned twenty, I cried. I was working at a fast food restaurant making minimum wage, for something to do. I was yelled at for being too slow. I couldn't even make a burger. I had also just been dumped.

I swore I wouldn't see thirty.

I still don't particularly like being alive. It's still really hard for me to function. But I do it anyway. I no longer have to flip burgers. I have a good life.

I'm scared but still here.

I think it's important to know what you're living for. Do you like your career path? Is that what drives you? Is it finding love? Is it family?

Once you find your purpose, you're good to go. As it turns out, mine wasn't flipping burgers. Or even being an English major. But with my writing I'm slowly putting the pieces together.

I think it's hard when you're young. I turned to one toxic man after the next looking for security and I found myself in therapy. Love was what I wanted most in life. I finally have it - and it took my entire twenties to find it.

Getting back "out there"? Like being alive, it comes with the fine print of life.

Just like turning thirty, you have to, sometime.