Never meant to work out.

I think sometimes of how young we were when we met.

We were just two girls who just umderstood each other.

I remember days of shouting from the balcony of my house over the bungalow next door into your house, I would climb as far up the railing as I could just to catch a glimpse you and your cute little brothers smile as you both hopped up and down so you could see me too.

We grew older and parted a while but I always knew you were still in my corner, our lives just angling away from each other for a bit.

When we reconnected, we were all grown up, our differences more apparent yet we worked.

You were always the pretty one and I never really understood why you were my friend. Yet I was really glad you were my friend cause I could always rely on you.

I had your back, you had mine. We worked out until we didn't.

I remember the day of our fight so clearly. I remember wanting to come over to you and sort it out. My pride got in the way.

The next day, I was so sure I would do it but then I worked into the class and this girl pointed at me, whispered something to this other girl. And they laughed.

I don't know what they said but I could feel my insecurities kicking in. What had you told them, why were they talking about me. I wished I'd asked to talk but my head was abuzz with my insecurities.

And then for weeks after that, I

remember how much it hurt when people asked me where you were. Knowing I couldn't answer hurt more than I knew to handle. I always used to know where you where.

In my mind, I felt people blame me for what happened and it strengthened my resolve not to apologise for what happened.

I remember the day when our friends put us in a circle and tried to get us to apologise. We refused. Me mainly because I felt like every one of them had already chosen a side. You are most easily the nicest person I know. But I wasn't the one to blame this time.

So for three years till we graduated we became just classmates. I remember exaggerating laughs when you were in the room. Catching your eyes in the classroom and hallways were a constant reminder of what I lost due to pride.

Felt like our friends and family had finally accepted that we were not meant to be friends anyway after so many tries to reunite us.

I missed three years of being your friend. Three years of laughs and friendship.

I know nothing can ever change that but I do know that if not for that fight, my secondary school years would have been the most memorable years of my life.

I should have said it then but I'm saying it now.

I'm so sorry, I wish I could take back all those years. You were my best friend and it really doesn't matter who's fault it was. I'm sorry. I know it's late but I would give anything just to have things go back to how they were. I've never being able to find a true friend like you.

From P to A.