Orange-Flavored Jell-O

Choking back tears

By shoving three spoonfuls of

orange-flavored Jell-O into my mouth

Was a talent I didn’t know I had until

I did it in an ICU room while

Watching my grandma die.

She was a little mean, but the last

Thing she told me before she lost her words

Was that she left me $20 in my car for gas.

She was a little selfish, but when I was a child,

She would hand-feed me rice and fried eggs to

Make sure I never went to bed with an empty

Stomach.

I love and miss her very much, that woman.

The least I could do for her in a room

Full of family already mourning

Her impending death was to not

Let her hear me cry.

On an afternoon in the middle of January, I’m glad I kissed her forehead.

I’m glad I told her, “See you tomorrow.”

Maybe that was comfort enough.

She died hours later.

Her hand was still warm when I arrived that night.

Her face relaxed and

Peaceful.

I held in most tears, shoving them into

The black hole that consumed

All my other neglected emotions

But what that resulted in was my inability

To grieve for her properly

And my inability to

Eat orange-flavored Jell-O the same way again.