ROMANTICISM: THE TRUTH ABOUT LONGING

And, oh, the release of warm ache, the flow and the ebb of a living scarlet opaque, He took the need from me for my sake and I have recovered, give or take

I’m haunted, the urge does still plague my thoughts and my feelings, but it’s just as vague as the pale scars fading along my leg, deconstructing like a schizophrenic idea conveyed

And of aerosol’s bitter, misty love, I give it up to the one above, excise the impulse, no surgical glove, He uses no tools

Except golden forgiveness wrapped around spools as my tears of repentance collect in sorrowful pools, the last of the blood on the floor clots and cools, He breathes life into me

Finally, I can see that while filled with ethanol, I was utterly empty, drinking despite not being at all thirsty, trying to drown

But better to travel up than down, though there’s plenty of sin to be found in this tame little town, like claiming a virgin white wedding gown when you know good and well

Even if I never tell, my Morphine blue mood is something He can SMELL, chewing transdermal pieces of Hell when she needed them more

I had ‘a special place’ reserved before, that is until He spoke to me through my blackened door, He simply said, “No.”, just one word, nothing more, I stopped dead in my tracks

This was not another of my hallucinatory attacks, I choked on my chemically laced breath in coughs and hacks, doubled over, my lungs painfully wracked, expelling toxic fumes

To suffer forever in firey tombs with mothers who ripped their feti from their very own wombs without remorse and more in tune with satan, not God

Is what I was in line to do, when I swallowed Diazepam and 40 Benadryl, too, an unceasing tone and then I heard YOU, no panic in your voice,

“Go back…” and I had no choice, He didn’t want me yet, no, Ketamine helped hoist and somewhere far away, a lone angel rejoiced, it wasn’t my day

But, still, how I long for the way her embrace and her love gave me the courage to stay, her presence was a beautiful and singular sunray, guiding me through the dark

Yet it is for Him that I should hark, He kept me alive through every pill, every mark, all of the times when life was bleak, cold, and stark, He pushed me to persist

It is He who helps me resist all of the wickedness I used to kiss, He is there when everything goes amiss, and if I have faith, I have eternal bliss

I pray and I say please just let me sleep tonight away with restful ease, before head hits pillow, floor will be knelt upon on knees-

“Dear God…” and He instantly SEES