Enduring my Own Tricks

To all, I internally scold

without a single thought.

To see someone controlled,

by what I wish I forgot.

If only I could keep it down,

as well as I can with a feeling,

if only I didn't get the urge to drown

myself in the lie that is so appealing.

My body begs and pleads

for a morsel of forgiveness,

most fights, my brain succeeds.

I wish so badly to expel this sickness.

Impending horror fills to the brim,

as I feel my body give up.

The Truth, so rotten and so grim,

why not spill out sweet lies of syrup?

Oh the hypocrisy,

the contradictions I hold so dear.

For all and wellness, I am a devotee,

who judges those who worry of the same outcomes I fear.

I wish nothing but health and happiness to all,

yet, I'll probably keep avoiding the mirror,

and continue to act like my actions don't appall

every standard I hold to wellbeing so clear.