The Two Most Terrifying Things

All it takes is one mistake for everything to come toppling down like a shattered mirror. Some say that means seven years of bad luck, but it’s more like a lifetime of horror.

Am I imagining every eye is turning towards me with disappointment and judgement? Yes, but I can not comprehend that in my state of mind. They are all staring at me, silently judging me, and knowing they will never like me. The word will spread, and my future will be doomed.

If my mistake is in class, I know my grades and self esteem will topple. I won’t be recognized by a single person on the face of the planet. The one mistake causes a domino effect. My mistake prevents a college education, and a good job. I would live on the streets, or in my parents basement, if I’m lucky.

For a mistake at home, I would be grounded and punished harshly, no less than what I deserve. Without access to electronics, my friends would believe I was ignoring them. They would give up on me! So, I would be lonely and friendless, and it would be my fault yet again. All my friends would be right to drop me.

Whenever someone comforts me, I know it’s just because they are a kind soul who pities me. I am so grateful for their goodness, but I try to get away so I don’t ruin their life like I so carelessly ruined mine. Yet, my righteous flee or remark backfires due to my emotional obliviousness, and I hurt the mazing person.

I must hide away from all this. So, I run, I flee into some distraction. Usually a fictional world, or poetry to convey my emotions. That is when I realize, I am good, I am fine, and I might need to apologize.

Yet, I can never realize it sooner. I am overwhelmed by the terror of my two greatest fears, failure and hurting others.