I Cannot

Nothing is right

I cannot fight

Any longer

And I would ponder

'Why am I trying

to be not denying

when the past

is sneaking up so fast.'

I cannot wonder

what it would be like to wander

away from the past,

and to cast darkness.

I have to harness

this thing inside

that is making me decide

if I should see

the ecstasy.

But instead

I am full of dread