if you can’t see it, is it even there ?

i try to find the words to describe what i am feeling, but they do not exist.

they are on the tip of my tongue, but they evaporate before i can spit them out

and i try to scream

but it dies in my throat

before i can make a sound.

i am being choked

but i see no hands around my neck

i am being drowned

but all i see is desert.

my suffering is nonsensical

paradoxical

illogical

and yet i suffer.