Modern Greek Gods

Demeter works at Panera

Hermes is an Uber driver because his old USPS branch suffered budget cuts and his vision for flying mail vans fell through

Iris is an Instagram model

Zeus is a school superintendent that you’d never want to challenge to an arm wrestle

Hera left him five years ago

Aphrodite is best friends with Paris Hilton

Apollo’s lifeguard career didn’t go well, so he became a doctor

The patient that stuck with him, the one he couldn’t save, was Hyacinth

Athena is one of Wall Street’s finest

Artemis is a social justice lawyer, primarily arguing for women’s rights

Ares runs a bar, and it’s not as great as he thought, but he paid off his mortgage and stopped riding motorcycles after he had his daughter

Persephone runs a flower shop and drinks green tea, does yoga in the mornings, and does her best to keep Hades on a short leash

Hades is the wealthiest man in town, but nobody knows where his black Cadillac with tinted windows came from or where the red stains on the rims did either

Posiedon is a marine biologist, and he routinely takes his children to the beach to play in the water and learn about cleaning the ocean

Dionysus owns a vineyard, and he and his husband have brunch on Sundays and make YouTube videos

Nike is an Olympic soccer player who advocates for equal pay in sports and the workplace

And Cronus lives alone, shouting insults at his tv and littering his shag carpet with empty cans, because not everyone can be happy